Let’s face it, reality isn’t something “the other half” have a firm grasp on. What can a banana cost anyway? Ten dollars?
Reality has nothing to do with your plans or goals, hopes or dreams. It’s exactly where you are right now. I won’t say “and it’s okay,” because for a lot of us it’s not. I think it’s important to take it at face value, however.
If you asked yourself at eighteen years old where you’d be right now, the answer probably didn’t include things like crying in your car after getting a disconnect notice or eating cereal for dinner again because everything else requires time and energy you don’t have. Maybe you thought you’d be happily married, own a house, have a thriving career, 2.5 smart and well-behaved children, a couple of adorable pets that don’t shed, and enough money to buy name brand snacks.
Instead, you’re here doing your best. Maybe you’re just scraping by, or maybe you’re further along the journey, but not quite where you wanted to be at this age. No matter what, you may be wondering where the hell the time went and if it’s too late to reach your goals after all.
I don’t have answers to all those questions. That’s a very individual issue that you’re going to have to figure out for yourself. One thing I do know, however, is that it’s okay if you’re not where you thought you’d be. Whatever your reality is now… Is what it is, and it can get better.
Life Doesn’t Follow a Set Timeline
If you’re like most people, the path you created in your mind for your life came from societal expectations, your family, and paying attention to what your peers are doing.
It might’ve looked something like this:
- 20s – graduate with a degree, get a good job, fall in love, be healthy and happy
- 30s – achieve stability, make money, buy a house, have kids
- 40s+ – Enjoy your success, and look forward to retirement as an opportunity for travel, yoga classes, a sports car worthy of a midlife crisis, and contentment
Here’s what a lot of us face instead:
- 20s – massive student loan debt, a low-wage job, awful roommates, just trying to survive
- 30s – rebuilding credit, getting laid off and having to find a new job, taking care of aging parents, struggling to afford a reliable car
- 40s+ – divorce or some other need to start over, realizing rest is not a reward but instead a necessity, dealing with stress and fear of not having enough for retirement
Plans Shatter, But You Won’t
Even if you achieved many of the ideal plans and goals of an “ordinary life,” you undoubtedly face some difficult times or changes along the way that affected your ability to just slide through and succeed. Maybe you had to leave school early, or maybe you had to get divorced. Perhaps serious illness got in the way, or you simply didn’t factor burnout into the equation.
When plans shatter, it hurts. It’s a real, but it’s also super common. We currently live in a world that makes it really hard to stick to this ideal track. Wages stay the same while rent doubles. Health insurance disappears the moment you needed. Life throws curveballs that don’t care how well you plan. Sometimes you have to take detours just to stay alive. That’s actually a skill – adaptation. It’s resilience, not failure.
You didn’t fall behind; you adjusted to a game that feels rigged against you.
Let Yourself Grieve the Life You Thought You’d Have
Does this advice sound strange? Can and should you actually grieve the dreams of youth and the ideals of society and people around you? I say yes. It’s okay to be sad about what didn’t happen to mourn your old plans and. It’s natural and even healthy to feel a pang when someone posts about buying their dream house or celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary when you’re back sharing an apartment with a stranger after an unexpected divorce.
You’re processing loss, that’s okay. But here’s the thing. Once you stop clinging to those old ideas of the future, you can make space for something new. In fact, you might be able to make space for something better suited to who you actually are now. You are not the same person you were eighteen. How can you expect that kid to know anything about where you’ll end up?
If you’re eighteen or thereabouts and reading this article, I hope you realize that this isn’t an attack on your use or inexperience. In fact, it’s probably good for you to realize early on that even the best laid plans can fall apart when life happens.
The Best Time to Plant a Tree
There’s an old saying that gets spread around an awful lot. “The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second-best time is now.”
Every one of us knows that no matter how much we wish and hope that we can turn back the clock and be eighteen again, it’s not going to happen. Believe me, I know a lot about daydreaming about things being better than they actually are. Hey, if it gets you through those sleepless nights, what can it hurt?
No matter what happened in the past, you can start from today and make things different for your future. That’s just the simple truth. It may feel impossible, and your progress might be super slow. But you can still make a change.
You are here and reading this. Maybe you survive things that would’ve broken other people. You somehow managed to hold things together when it seemed like all hope was lost. You’ve kept going even when it felt pointless or like the whole world was working against you.
Those things take a lot of power and strength. Sometimes just getting to the next day is an amazing part of progress. You can’t magically fix everything overnight, but you can make new choices.
Build on the reality of now, not on the rubble of what was supposed to be
Final Thought: You’re Not Alone. You’re Not Done. You’re Still Worthy
Even if you’re behind on every bill.
Even if your credit score makes you cringe.
Even if every day feels like it wears you down to almost nothing.
Even if you feel like everyone else has passed you by.
You are still worthy of good things.
You are still allowed to try again.
You are still here, and that means there’s still time to build a life that feels like yours.
Not the life you planned when you were a teenager. Not the Instagram version. Not some influencer’s vision board life.
Your life. With your weird detours. Your resilience. Your grit.
It’s okay if you’re not where you thought you’d be.
Where you go from here is what matters now.
